In a memory of the man with two sides of brain... ;)
(http://www.bushisms.com/salute.jpg)
Put The Off Button On
I Think War Is A Dangerous Place
I'm A Follower Of American Politics (guess who said it? ;))
I Think We Agree- The Past Is Over
For NASA, Space Is Still A High Priority
If We Don't Succeed, We Run The Risk Of Failure
Will The Highways On The Internet Become More Few?
Sometimes When I Sleep At Night I Think Of 'Hop On Pop'
I Know The Human Being And Fish Can Coexist Peacefully
Даже не знаю чем резюмировать... этим:
We Are Ready For Any Unforeseen Event That May Not Occur
или этим:
Its Time For The Human Race To Enter The Solar System
P.S. Я завел тему не как чисто англоязычную, а лишь как тему, где не нужно было бы переводить "шедевры".
а кто первый придумал продавать участки на Луне?
The guest, it's me. Aren't you going to answer?
Цитата: reziaThe guest, it's me. Aren't you going to answer?
Гм... Никак не возьму в толк при чем тут это. Ну ОК, человек с инициалами DH, если это тест. :)
Деннис Хоуп тоже гражданин США, может там климат особенный, что такие "фигуры" появляются именно у них? Как ему вообще взбрело такое в голову, а другим людям взбрело, что заплатив они могут объявить себя владельцами????
Позволю себе напомнить вам эпизод, описанный почти век назад и вам, конечно, известный. По этой причине переводить не буду, полагаю, отрывок будет узнан даже людьми, незнакомыми с французским:
Цитировать
-Millions de quoi?
Le businessman comprit qu'il n'etait point d'espoir de paix:
-Millions de ces petites choses que l'on voit quelquefois dans le ciel.
-Des mouches?
-Mais non, des petites choses qui brillent.
-Des abeilles?
-Mais non. Des petites choses dorees qui font revasser les faineants. Mais je suis serieux, moi! Je n'ai pas le temps de revasser.
-Ah! des etoiles?
-C'est bien ca. Des etoiles.
-Et que fais-tu des cinq cent millions d'etoiles?
-Cinq cent un millions six cent vingt-deux mille sept cent trente et un. Je suis un homme serieux, moi, je suis precis.
-Et que fais-tu de ces etoiles?
-Ce que j'en fais?
-Oui.
-Rien. Je les possede.
-Tu possedes les etoiles?
-Oui.
-Mais j'ai deja vu un roi qui...
-Les rois ne possedent pas. Ils "regnent" sur. C'est tres different.
-Et a quoi cela te sert-il de posseder les etoiles?
-Ca me sert a etre riche.
-Et a quoi cela te sert-il d'etre riche?
-A acheter d'autres etoiles, si quelqu'un en trouve.
Celui-la, se dit en lui-meme le petit prince, il raisonne un peu comme mon ivrogne.
Cependant il posa encore des questions:
-Comment peut-on posseder les etoiles?
-A qui sont-elles? riposta, grincheux, le businessman.
-Je ne sais pas. A personne.
-Alors elles sont a moi, car j'y ai pense le premier.
-Ca suffit?
-Bien sur. Quand tu trouves un diament qui n'est a personne, il est a toi. Quand tu trouves une ile qui n'est a personne, elle est a toi. Quand tu as une idee le premier, tu la fais breveter: elle est a toi. Et moi je possede les etoiles, puisque jamais personne avant moi n'a songe a les posseder.
-Ca c'est vrai, dit le petit prince. Et qu'en fais-tu?
-Je les gere. Je les compte et je les recompte, dit le businessman. C'est difficile. Mais je suis un homme serieux!
Le petit prince n'etait pas satisfait encore.
-Moi, si je possede un foulard, je puis le mettre autour de mon cou et l'emporter. Moi, si je possede une fleur, je puis cueillir ma fleur et l'emporter. Mais tu ne peux pas cueillir les etoiles!
-Non, mais je puis les placer en banque.
-Qu'est-ce que ca veut dire?
-Ca veut dire que j'ecris sur un petit papier le nombre de mes etoiles. Et puis j'enferme a clef ce papier-la dans un tiroir.
-Et c'est tout?
-Ca suffit!
Цитата: ФизикПозволю себе напомнить вам эпизод, описанный почти век назад и вам, конечно, известный. По этой причине переводить не буду, полагаю, отрывок будет узнан даже людьми, незнакомыми с французским:
Гениально, и Вам, и Экзюпери!
А что дальше-то было? 8)
О какое совпадение! Именно эту книгу я сейчас читаю в румынском её переводе!
Цитата: Станислав СекиринО какое совпадение! Именно эту книгу я сейчас читаю в румынском её переводе!
А зачем читать в переводе? У румын своего нечего читать?
Цитата: rawonamА что дальше-то было? 8)
Смотри последние две строчки франц. варианта, "Это все?" "Этого достаточно", и правда, что, допустим, Александр Розенбаум, по слухам имеющий свой участок на Луне, собирается с ним делать?
Цитата: reziaсмотри последние две строчки франц варианта, "Это все?" "Этого достаточно", и правдв, что допустим Александр розенбаум, по слухам имеющий свой участок на Луне, собирается с ним делать?
Ну что там написано, я понял, но мне интересно, что дальше. Кто по наследству получил это хозяйство и т.п. 8)
Цитата: rawonamно мне интересно, что дальше. Кто по наследству получил это хозяйство и т.п. 8)
Le businessman ouvrit la bouche mais ne trouve rien a repondre, ...
Я не знаю, что тебе ответить, ты что же думаешь через какую-нибудь сотню лет на Луне будут колонии как романах Филипа Дика?
Цитата: reziaЯ не знаю, что тебе ответить, ты что же думаешь через какую-нибудь сотню лет на Луне будут колонии как романах Филипа Дика?
Кто знает... Если не через сотню, то через две, три, пять. То, что написано в книгах Жюля Верна, тоже казалось абсолютно невозможным в прошлом веке.
Добавлено спустя 27 секунд: В смысле, в позапрошлом :mrgreen:
Да мне многое из этого и сейчас невозможным кажется. В трёхступенчатой ракете на Луну - это да. Но в пушечном снаряде?!
Цитата: Станислав СекиринДа мне многое из этого и сейчас невозможным кажется. В трёхступенчатой ракете на Луну - это да. Но в пушечном снаряде?!
Самого понятия "ракета" не было, так что не нужно придираться. 8-)
Если я правильно представляю, их бы при взлёте так долбануло снизу дном снаряда, что они бы не просто провалялись без сознания, а, как я представляю, окочурились бы.
На мой взгляд, их стукнуло бы практически так же, как если бы они находились не внутри снаряда, а перед ним.
Цитата: Станислав СекиринЕсли я правильно представляю, их бы при взлёте так долбануло снизу дном снаряда, что они бы не просто провалялись без сознания, а, как я представляю, окочурились бы.
На мой взгляд, их стукнуло бы практически так же, как если бы они находились не внутри снаряда, а перед ним.
Ну это понятно, и что? Все это подробно описано в книге "Занимательная физика", которую мы недавно упоминали.
Цитата: reziaДеннис Хоуп тоже гражданин США, может там климат особенный, что такие "фигуры" появляются именно у них? Как ему вообще взбрело такое в голову, а другим людям взбрело, что заплатив они могут объявить себя владельцами????
Rezia, а почему Вы считаете что ему подобное взбрело в голову? По-моему он занимается тем, что русская улица метко называет "разводить лохов" - циничная, но от этого не менее умная догадка DH заключается (IMHO) не в том, что это так, и даже не в том, что кто-то в это поверит, а в том, что это будут покупать хотя бы ради "рисовки" перед окружающими.
Но насчет особенного климата согласен с Вами на все 100. :)
Цитата: rawonamЦитата: reziaЯ не знаю, что тебе ответить, ты что же думаешь через какую-нибудь сотню лет на Луне будут колонии как романах Филипа Дика?
Кто знает... Если не через сотню, то через две, три, пять. То, что написано в книгах Жюля Верна, тоже казалось абсолютно невозможным в прошлом веке.
Скорее через 100 лет Россия, США и Китай сварганят по базе ПВО на видимой стороне Луны. :)
Формально, он может объявить права на Луну, т.к. она никому не принадлежит и продавать участки. Проблема в том, что право собственника обретает полную силу только после его физического посещения своих владений. Так что кто первый ступил ногой, тот и собственник.
Цитата: DigammaЯ завел тему не как чисто англоязычную, а лишь как тему, где не нужно было бы переводить "шедевры".
ЦитироватьHow to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
Кто ж не хочет уметь это делать? :)
ЦитироватьOne day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Вот такая грустная история... :(
:lol::lol:
One more joke...
ЦитироватьThe Official language of the European Union
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other language possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new speling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the language is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
:roll::D
Hopeful напомнила мне один инцидент из моей студенческой жизни. 8)
У меня на экзамене по курсу Introduction to Linguistics, был подобный вопрос:
There is a joke spread on the Internet about an orthographic reform of the English language.
И приводится сия шутка :)
А потом вопрос:
Which of the following statements is true:
(Первые два сразу отбросил, а над двумя долго думал)
c. The author of this joke does not consider 'th' a phoneme.
d. The author of this joke does not distinguish between voiced and voiceless 'th'.
Что вы думаете, господа? :)
П.С. Вообще, по прошествии такого количества времени я теперь вижу, что все это полная профанация... Нельзя же так непонятно выражать мысли... Наверное первокурсников спасает то, что они не знают много, поэтому могут воспринять такие вопросы серьезно, не продумывая до конца... :D Дай бы мне сейчас такое задание, я бы ругался плохими словами. :)
Цитата: rawonamc. The author of this joke does not consider 'th' a phoneme.
d. The author of this joke does not distinguish between voiced and voiceless 'th'.
По-моему о фонетическом значении th там вообще речь не идет - автор говорит о замене
букв, а о
фонемах и не заикается (по крайней мере применительно к th).
Аналогично можно вспомнить уже "предлагавшееся" мной (если мне не изменяет память) когда-то письмо C/V (пример -> ccvcvc). Какие выводы о воззрениях на консонантный строй данного конкретного языка можно сделать из того, что предложили заменить все согласные на C? По-моему, никаких абсолютно.
Цитата: rawonamWhich of the following statements is true:
(Первые два сразу отбросил, а над двумя долго думал)
c. The author of this joke does not consider 'th' a phoneme.
d. The author of this joke does not distinguish between voiced and voiceless 'th'.
Что вы думаете, господа? :)
П.С. Вообще, по прошествии такого количества времени я теперь вижу, что все это полная профанация... Нельзя же так непонятно выражать мысли... Наверное первокурсников спасает то, что они не знают много, поэтому могут воспринять такие вопросы серьезно, не продумывая до конца... :D Дай бы мне сейчас такое задание, я бы ругался плохими словами. :)
Так просветите ж неученых, будьте добры! :)
Цитата: DigammaПо-моему о фонетическом значении th там вообще речь не идет - автор говорит о замене букв, а о фонемах и не заикается (по крайней мере применительно к th).
То, о чем говорит автор, - это одно, а какие выводы из этого можно сделать - это другое. Видно сразу, что он хочет приблизить письменность к произношению, отсюда можно и судить о его представлении (сознательном или несознательном) о фонемах англ. языка.
Цитата: HopefulТак просветите ж неученых, будьте добры!
Так я же хочу, чтобы лингвисты ответили, какой вариант они считают правильнее... Дело в том, что я ответил, по мнению составителей экзамена, неправильно. Потом были долгие "выяснения отношений", потому что я с ними был несогласен и несогласен до сих пор. :_1_12
Цитата: rawonamЦитата: DigammaПо-моему о фонетическом значении th там вообще речь не идет - автор говорит о замене букв, а о фонемах и не заикается (по крайней мере применительно к th).
То, о чем говорит автор, - это одно, а какие выводы из этого можно сделать - это другое. Видно сразу, что он хочет приблизить письменность к произношению
Вот как раз выводы можно делать, если полагать, что заменами th -> z он именно хочет приблизить письменность к произношению. (vord
s, smil???)
Если автор считает z звонким аналогом s (что совершенно не очевидно, т.к. он не совсем последователен:
step, plea
s, zi
z, e
zi), то автор не различает глухой и звонкий
th (ziz, zi) и считает их лишь вариантами [z] (
zer, e
zi).
Тем не менее, я думаю, что эта версия неверна: мне кажется, что автор пытается передать [z] и
как s, а [ð] и [θ] как z - если это так, то он несомненно считает th отдельным звуком, и, вероятно, различает их, т.к. старается сознательно унифицировать написание (не произношение!: Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza - речь идет о письме, насколько я понимаю).
Цитата: rawonam
Which of the following statements is true:
(Первые два сразу отбросил, а над двумя долго думал)
c. The author of this joke does not consider 'th' a phoneme.
d. The author of this joke does not distinguish between voiced and voiceless 'th'.
На мой взгляд, вопрос и правда поставлен не очень корректно. Автор шутки весьма непоследователен в своих заменах... Вряд ли можно говорить тут о попытке приблизить письменность к произношению, слишком много обратных примеров. В сущности он просто переносит непоследовательность английского спеллинга в свою новую систему.
Кроме того, непонятно, о какой фонеме в вопросе идет речь, звонкой, или глухой, или обеих...
Но если бы мне пришлось решать такую задачу, то спонтанно я бы, пожалуй, выбрала ответ d.
Автор однозначно не различает (на письме) глухое и звонкое th (ze, fifz), механически заменяя все буквосочетания th на z независимо от их произношения. Впрочем, они и в regular spelling не различаются.
А вот однозначно сказать на основе текста, считает ли он th фонемой - нельзя, по-моему. Вроде как не считает (раз не различает th, z и s)... Но можно также предположить, что он считает их фонемами, но не считает нужным отображать все фонемы на письме.
Интересно, каковы были ответы на самом деле :)
I'm sorry I haven't replied here for a long time, I was a little busy.
So, with the help of one of my best friends - Mr. Google, I've discovered that there are many different versions of this joke (here's another one, for example http://www.qsl.net/k4mg/Personal/ZeDrem.htm ) and I can't recall which of them we had on the test. But it doesn't matter much.
It is obvious that this person confuses the interdental sounds with the alveolar ones. I'm convinced he doesn't fully perceive the difference between them, probably because he doesn't have them in his mother tongue (perhaps he was a Frenchman or a Russian). Now, what do u think, most people, who don't have interdental sounds in their languages, confuse drammatically the initial sounds in
sink VS
think or in
thesis VS
these? I would say that the words of the first pair tend to be mispronounced more frequently. The confusion in the second pair is rather possible because of the identical spelling, but not because of the indifferentiation of the sounds. That's why I answered (c). :) Of course, I've found support for this in the text of the joke itself, but I hope you excuse me, if I don't do this work once again, as there is another problem, which I have already mentioned: I don't have the exact version I had on the test. But the points are like those: the fact that he replaces all the "th"-s with "z" is much more important, than that he uses only one letter to represent both voiced and voiceless versions, because, in my opinion, the former is evidence that he considers "th" redundant (i.e., doesn't consider it a phoneme) and the latter can't hardly be a prove that he doesn't distiguish between the two kinds, because, as he is not a linguist, he just goes according to the previous spelling and not according to the sounds he hears.
Now, take a look at a real-life joke:
Цитировать-How do you pronounce L at the end of words. is it a W or L like L at the end of the words like Spanish?
....
It's not like the Spanish L. You have to roll your tongue backwards a little more. It may sound like W in some languages (e.g. Russian).
http://www.antimoon.com/forum/2003/2908.htm
I didn't know we had W in Russian. :_1_12
Добавлено спустя 2 минуты 49 секунд: Actually, the sentence "It may sound like W in some languages (e.g. Russian)." is ambguious, but the second meaning is ruled out, because of the semantics. :)
Цитата: rawonamthe sentence "It may sound like W in some languages (e.g. Russian)." is ambguious, but the second meaning is ruled out, because of the semantics. :)
By the way, it is a fact that the English "dark L" sounds as [w] at the end of the word or in front of a consonant (especially n British English). You will normally pronounce
sell as [sew] or [seo],
told as [t^wd],
needle as [
ni:dw] or [
ni:do]. (
"Dark L" is the velarized L and, as it is known, velarization has similar acoustic effects to the labialization (some activity around 1000 Hz). So, it is true that the labio-velar ([w]) sounds very similar to the velarized [l] (some people call it
твердый л ;--)), no one would argue about that, but this:
Цитата: andrewsiakYou will normally pronounce sell as [sew] or [seo], told as [t^wd], needle as [ni:dw] or [ni:do].
is wrong. You may have some areas, where they substitute (or just mix) the velarized lateral by the labio-velar, but it is certain that it is normally pronouced like that.
Цитата: rawonam...but it is certain that it is normally pronouced like that.
... is exactly what I am trying to convey to you... What's the prob?
Цитата: andrewsiakЦитата: rawonam...but it is certain that it is normally pronouced like that.
... is exactly what I am trying to convey to you... What's the prob?
:D I'm sorry. The problem is that I have forgotten to insert "not" :)
I'll try again:
...but it is certain that it is not normally pronouced like that.
вот даже дискуссия по поводу того, как обозначать "вокализированный" dark L
ЦитироватьCompeting solutions
This means that the most important remaining decision is how to symbolize the product of l vocalization. For RP /l/ in non-prevocalic positions, EE uses a vocoid in the area [7, o, U, u]. This may be non-syllabic, typically forming the second element of a new diphthong in milk, shell etc.; or it may be syllabic, as in middle. Let us consider a selection of possible solutions, looking at the pros and cons of each.
* first solution: write U, thus mIUk, SeU, "mIdU
o pro: familiar symbol;
o con: implies phonetic (and for the syllabic vocoid, phonemic) identity with the vowel of put, which is wrong. Articulatorily, the l-vocalization product is considerably further back than the /U/ of put, which can nowadays be very central.
* second solution: write w, thus mIwk, Sew, ("mIdw)
o pro: reasonably intuitive for the non-syllabic vocoid; but we should need something else for the syllabic;
o con: implies phonemic identification with prevocalic /w/, which is questionable; violates the general English phonotactic constraint against final semivowels. (To overcome the objection to syllabic w, John Maidment suggests using an omega, w. But I find this unacceptable on general transcriptional and typographic grounds.)
* third solution: write o, thus mIok, Seo, "mIdo
o pro: phonetically reasonable, visually distinctive. On balance my preferred solution;
o con: in various other accents (Scottish, GenAm) this symbol is associated with the vowel of goat.
взято отсюда:http://www.phon.ucl.ac.uk/home/estuary/transcree.htm
Цитата: andrewsiakвот даже дискуссия по поводу того, как обозначать "вокализированный" dark L
Да, вполне нормальная дискуссия, все хотят транскрибировать свой язык как можно точнее, включая аллофоны, но это не отменяет того, что это просто веляризованный (что и есть один из типов вокализации, в русской фонетике для некоторых звуков - "твердый") аллофон нормального /l/, даже несмотря на то, что в некоторых диалектах/местностях он произносится без прикосновения к алвеолам, а лишь только приближается к ним (т.е. перестает быть латеральным), но это никак не становится ни [w] ни
- , а каким-то алвеольно-велярным аппроксимантом.
Посмотри тут liquids:
http://www.uiowa.edu/~acadtech/phonetics/english/frameset.html
Там где она произносит просто /l/ как фонему, звучит очень похоже на [о], но рисунок и слева видеозапись показывают, как это артикулируется - латеральный аппроксимант, ничего другого. А где идут примеры, то явно слышно, что это простой "твердый л" (в слове fall).
ЦитироватьКурс английского языка для инженеров
Can You hear me -Ты можешь меня здесь
Undressed custom model - Голая таможенная модель
Manicure - Деньги лечат
I'm just asking - Я всего лишь король жоп
I have been there - У меня там фасоль
God only knows - Единственный нос бога
We are the champions - Мы шампиньоны
Do You feel alright? - Ты справа всех знаешь?
Bye bye baby, baby good bye - Купи купи ребенка, ребонок хорошая покупка
To be or not to be? - Пчела или не пчела?
I fell in love - Я свалился в любовь.
Just in case - Только в портфеле
I will never give up - Меня никогда не тошнит
Oh dear - Ах олень.
I saw my Honey today - Я пилил мой мед сегодня
I'm going to make you mine - Я иду копать тебе шахту
May God be with you - Майская хорошая пчелка с тобой
Bad influence - Плохая простуда
Phone seller - Позвони продавцу
Good products - Бог на стороне уток
Let's have a party - Давайте организуем партию
Watch out! - Посмотри снаружи!
I know his story well - Я знаю твой исторический колодец
Press space bar to continue - Космический бар прессы продолжает ..
I love you baby - Я люблю вас, бабы!
:lol:
In RP English dark l [ł] is only an alophone of the phoneme /l/, like in words milk, bill....
The pronunciation of this phoneme is similar to russian /l/
But in many varieties of English these realisations can be even "darker" - they tend to sound like
Цитата: RipleyIn RP English dark l [ł] is only an alophone of the phoneme /l/, like in words milk, bill....
The pronunciation of this phoneme is similar to russian /l/
But in many varieties of English these realisations can be even "darker" - they tend to sound like
Yeah, we've just discussed it. But one should notice that although it might sound like
- or , it is certainly not the sound that is articulated, as the lips are not rounded. And the unrounded back vowels sound different.
Вот, еще тоже прикольчик:)
"Эйчары обязаны мотивировать сейлзов на приобретение коммуникейшн скиллз. В
частности, презентейшн скиллз. Именно скиллз, а не нолледж, как считают
некоторые, вообще часто определяют саксесс в бизнесе. И дело не только в
профите. Своеобразным бенефитом от работы может быть и обычный сатисфекшн,
которого нам всем так не хватает. Поэтому грамотный эйчар, проведя ассесмент
и определив ниддингс будущих партисипантов, заказывает трейнинг. И не
простой. Одно из главных условий трейнинга для сейлзов - экшн. Только тогда
мы можем рассчитывать на драйв, с которым пипл вернется на уокинг плейс.
Этот драйв для них - настоящий пойнт оф энтер, если говорить языком
мистификейшн. Если драйв накачан, топик трейнинга не импотант. Вобщем, и
разбираемые кейсы не импотант. Совершенно отдельная тема - экспаты. Для них
топики и кейсы - хедлайн. На трейнинги с трудом ведутся, им подавай тьютора
или на худой конец коуча. А какой с коучем драйв?! Тем более с тьютором.
Ведут себя, как стюпид, как ни бейся. Особенно это касается топов. А с
випами вообще говорить не о чем. Так и хочется развести руками и
воскликнуть: <Мазафака!!!>"
An Irishman , an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar .
The view was fantastic , the beer exellent , the food exceptional .
'' Y'ken ,'' said the Scotsman, '' I still prefer the pubs back hame.
Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the land
lord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you
buy 4 drinks, he'll buy the 5th drink for you.''
''Well,'' said the Englishman, ''at my local, The Red Lion, the barman
there will buy your 3rd drink after you buy the first two.''
''Ahhh, that's nuttin,'' said the Irishman.
''Back home in Dublin, there's O'Driscoll's Bar. Now, the moment
you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all
the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take
you upstairs and see that you get laid, all on the house.''
''Well,'' said the Englishman, ''did this actually happen to You ?''
''Not me myself, personally, no,'' said the Irishman, ''but it did happen
to my sister.''
....и еще один простой анекдотик，немножко грубоватый ......
Vovochka returns from school and says he got an 2 in arithmetic.
''Why?'' asks the father ?
''The teacher asked 'How much is 2 by 3 `'' I said `6,` replies Vovochka.
''But that's right !'' says his dad.
''Yeah, but then she asked me ''How much is 3 by 2 ?''
''What's the fu....ng difference ?'' asks the father.
''That's what I said !'' .............
Цитата: Гість''Not me myself, personally, no,'' said the Irishman, ''but it did happen
to my sister.''
:D
...t'has nothing to do with me...just showed a couple of samples....
Old joke but a goodie....
:D
Three Texas surgeons were arguing as to which had the
greatest skill. The first began: "Three years ago, I
re-attached seven fingers on a pianist. He went on to
give a recital for the Queen of England."
The second replied: "That's nothing. I attended a man
in a car accident. All his arms and legs were severed
from his body. Two years after I re-attached them, he
won three gold medals for field events in the
Olympics."
The third said: "A few years back, I attended to a
cowboy. He was high on cocaine and alcohol when he
rode his horse head-on into a Santa Fe freight train
traveling at 100 miles per hour. All I had to work
with was the horse's ass and a ten gallon hat. Last
year he became president ...
Цитата: ArtAllmLast
year he became president ...
:lol:
Hope you all get also a kick out of this one...
:D
Important announcement below:
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year
phased plan for what will be known as Euro English ("Euro" for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will
be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters kan have one fewer letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would
go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer
vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.
Цитата: ArtAllmHope you all get also a kick out of this one...
We had it before, look on the previous pages. Even twice, I guess.
ЦитироватьWe had it before, look on the previous pages. Even twice, I guess.
Yes, you are right, it was posted by Hopeful on Sep 16 2004, 21:55.
But it was formatted like a quote, without breaks, gaps and word wrapping, so I didn't pay much attention to it.
BTW, the quoted texts are almost unreadable... the text size is too small.
Sorry...
:oops:
Добавлено спустя 33 минуты 36 секунд: Another try...
:)
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus
stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he
says. The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue
to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response, "Hablan ustedes
Espanol?" Still nothing. the Swiss guy drives off,
extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says,
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That fellow knew four
languages, and it didn't do him any good."
Цитата: ArtAllmBTW, the quoted texts are almost unreadable... the text size is too small.
You are not the first one who says it, so I've made it bigger right now. How is it?
Цитата: ArtAllmSorry...
It's ok.
Цитата: ArtAllm"Why?" says the other, "That fellow knew four
languages, and it didn't do him any good."
:_3_01
Цитата: RawonaMЦитата: ArtAllmBTW, the quoted texts are almost unreadable... the text size is too small.
You are not the first one who says it, so I've made it bigger right now. How is it?
Oh! That's brilliant!:yes: And I've got another idea. May be it will be useful to darken a little bit the colour of the quoted text...
May be something like this.
Цитата: iskenderЦитата: RawonaMЦитата: ArtAllmBTW, the quoted texts are almost unreadable... the text size is too small.
You are not the first one who says it, so I've made it bigger right now. How is it?
Oh! That's brilliant!:yes: And I've got another idea. May be it will be useful to darken a little bit the colour of the quoted text... May be something like this.
Are you sure that the last phrase is really darker? ;--)
I've done the way you asked, how does it look now?
Цитата: RawonaMAre you sure that the last phrase is really darker? ;--)
Хм... May be you're right and it's only differs in colour...:?
Цитата: RawonaMI've done the way you asked, how does it look now?
IMHO a
little bit better.:D
Цитата: iskenderХм... May be you're right and it's only differs in colour...
It is much brighter, I don't want to make it so bright. I'd prefer to make it even darker.
Цитата: iskenderIMHO a little bit better.
And now? It's almost black.
Цитата: RawonaMЦитата: iskenderIMHO a little bit better.
And now? It's almost black.
Aha, almost black... I don't know. Perhaps
this is too dark.
Добавлено спустя 1 минуту 27 секунд: Может стоит, чтобы не было флуда, перенести обсуждение этого дела в соответствующий раздел? :wink:
Цитата: RawonaMAre you sure that the last phrase is really darker? ;--)
I guess you should look at the topic subject... ;)
Another linguistic joke...
:D
Punctuation is Everything!
An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing"
on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Цитата: ArtAllm
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Man is one who wishes he were as wise as he thinks his wife thinks he is.
A man is that large irrational creature who is always looking for home atmosphere in a hotel and hotel service around the house.
Цитата: reziaMan is one who wishes he were as wise as he thinks his wife thinks he is.
Marvellous :D
And that is a joke about English phonetics as it is perceived by French speakers:
:D
Un Français apprends l'anglais depuis quelques semaines.
Un bon jour il se rend à un spectacle d'après-midi au Centre Américain.
Histoire de pratiquer son anglais, il demande à son voisin de droite :
- What time is it ?
Le voisin de répondre :
- It's two to two.
Le gars n'a rien compris. Il décida donc de demander la même chose à son
voisin de gauche.
- What time is it ?
Et ce dernier de lui répondre:
-It's two to two too !
Цитата: RawonaMЦитата: reziaMan is one who wishes he were as wise as he thinks his wife thinks he is.
Marvellous :D
:) :yes:
"CRICKET
(as explained to a foreign visitor)
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs -
that's the end of the game.
HOWZAT!"
The president of the USA was awakened late one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there is good news and bad news."
"Oh no," muttered the president, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we have been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Christ, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and piss oil."
One more joke:
It's easy to stop smoking. I've been giving up many times. :)
Here is what happened to a friend of mine, who used to work somewhere in black Africa as a IMF expert.
He had some American friends over, and they decided to go picknicking one day.
Among others, there was an average American housewife.
So the story goes that they were making barbecue outside of the city, and there happened to be a road nearby.
While sitting on the grass and chatting with friends, the housewife saw a black woman walking bearfoot on the road with a huge pack placed on her head (the usual way of transporting things among African women). The reaction of the American: "Oh my God, look at that woman walking on the road! Her car must have been broken!"
Цитата: andrewsiak"Oh my God, look at that woman walking on the road! Her car must have been broken!"
:D
They say it really happened in Australia:
A priest and an Australian shepherd met each other in the final of a quiz show. After answering all the normal questions, they were neckandneck with the same number of points and the quizmaster had to set a deciding question. The question was, to compose a rhyme in 5 minuts including the word "Timbuktu". After the 5 minuts, the priest presented his poem:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible trought and trough
on my way to Timbuktu..."
The audience was thrilled and celebrated the churchman as the winner. However, the shepherd stepped forward and recited:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two..."
:=
Цитата: VANJA от декабря 4, 2005, 14:26
so I booked one and Tim booked two..."
:E: :E: :E: :up:
But the homophones aren't absolute. :)
But it does not matter :)
Well, yes, in Australia they pronounce differently. But I can't understand why the audience celebrated the priest as a champion before listening to the second contestant.
Because they liked the poem, perhaps :)
Цитата: "Rezia" от
Well, yes, in Australia they pronounce differently. But I can't understand why the audience celebrated the priest as a champion before listening to the second contestant.
Because writing poems is not something everybody's good at. Especially when you have only 5 minutes to write it and at the end, it turns out to be so funny and written by a priest. They don't actually write poems like that, do they? ;D
And I would never expect that in so short notice someone could write even funnier poem, as the shepherd did. And this quibbling with Timbuktu is excellent joke. Don't you think that is more important than the fact that homophones aren't absolute? ;-)
Well, the joke is certainly nice. :yes:
Naturally, very sad story judging from that the sheferd admitted he had booked twice as less as Tim, churchman had. That`s the price of addiction for glory :'(
Besides, I wouldn`t call "two-two" a rhyme. And if it were in russian language, I`d say that the repeating of words with the same pronunciation and meaning it`s tautology. Maybe "Though Tim wasn`t disposed to"?
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
Though Tim wasn`t disposed to
I booked one and Tim booked two..." ;-)
Or even "able"?
"Though Tim wasn`t able to"?
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
:D ;D :green:
Haha! ;D Interesting point of view, quite prudent student :eat:
On Christians
A Christian is a man who feels
Repentance on a Sunday
For what he did on Saturday
And is going to do on Monday.
Oh-la-la. Is it your own point of view on christians or you just join the joke?
Цитата: Joli poisson от февраля 24, 2007, 02:03
Oh-la-la. Is it your own point of view on christians or you just join the joke?
It's not mine, but I share this view.
Whose then?
I forget the author's name, but I'll try to find and tell it.
It would be very kind of you if you "will try to find & tell":))) And what about you, do you believe in God?
Цитата: Joli poisson от февраля 26, 2007, 06:20
And what about you, do you believe in God?
It's a personal question.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
By: Unknown
When Adam day by day
Woke up in paradise,
He always used to say
"Oh, this is very nice."
But Eve from scenes of bliss
Transported him for life.
The more I think of this
The more I beat my wife.
by A.E. Housman
To bed or not to bed.
By Шакеспеаре.
This person was a girl, didn't she?
Цитата: Joli poisson от марта 1, 2007, 13:40
This person was a girl, didn't she?
It's about a boy playing at computer games. He is sleepy but would not like to stop playing. He wonders, if he should go to bed.
Arrest
Within a few seconds the police were upstairs. "We know you are in there," the police said. "So just come out with your hands up."
Very slowly, the wardrobe door opened, and the burglar popped out.
"Hi, I was looking for her," he said, pointing at me. "It's her birthday andIjust come round for the party."
"It isn't my birthday," I said. And at that, the police handcuffed him and took him away.
The last I heard, he was serving time for a string of burglaries in the area. The cheeky devil.
Ву Шакеспеаре - is a writer as I understand, isn't it?
But he is written that way: Шекспир.
No, he didn't write "Шекспир", but thank you for answer
Sorry, I meant Shakespeare with "he". ;-)
Two things make woman late in going any place:
For first she must make up her mind and then her face.
Said Hamlet to Ophelia:
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
Spike Milligan
ЦитироватьTo bed or not to bed.
By Шакеспеаре.
ЦитироватьThis person was a girl, didn't she?
It's about a boy playing at computer games. He is sleepy but would not like to stop playing. He wonders, if he should go to bed.
Oh, I see, 'By' is "a boy playing at computer games. ...", and 'Шакеспеаре' is the surname of the boy :=
I thought 'By Шакеспеаре' is a girl as such name as 'By' suits more a girl... :yes: :P :D
ЦитироватьTo bed or not to bed.
By Шакеспеаре.
ЦитироватьThis person was a girl, didn't she?
It's about a boy playing at computer games. He is sleepy but would not like to stop playing. He wonders, if he should go to bed.
Oh, I see, 'By' is "a boy playing at computer games. ...", and 'Шакеспеаре' is the surname of the boy :=
I thought 'By Шакеспеаре' is a girl as such name as 'By' suits more a girl... :yes: :P :D
PS: the word 'bed' was neither here nor there; the name 'By' was the issue, dear... I wanted to make a joke out of your words...
ЦитироватьTwo things make woman late in going any place:
For first she must make up her mind and then her face.
The Q is: how many things do make man late in going any place? :) Just one, he must make up his mind?..
Цитата: Rezia от декабря 4, 2005, 18:58
But the homophones aren't absolute. :)
they are in my pronunciation