English humor

[VANJA]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

[Joli poisson]

 Haha! Interesting point of view, quite prudent student

[klaus]

On Christians

A Christian is a man who feels
Repentance on a Sunday
For what he did on Saturday
And is going to do on Monday.

[Joli poisson]

Oh-la-la. Is it your own point of view on christians or you just join the joke?

[klaus]

Oh-la-la. Is it your own point of view on christians or you just join the joke?

It's not mine, but I share this view.

[Joli poisson]

Whose then?

[klaus]

I forget the author's name, but I'll try to find and tell it.

[Joli poisson]

It would be very kind of you if you "will try to find & tell")) And what about you, do you believe in God?

[klaus]

And what about you, do you believe in God?

It's a personal question.

[klaus]

Whose then?

Thomas Russell Ybarra

[klaus]

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
By: Unknown

[klaus]

When Adam day by day
Woke up in paradise,
He always used to say
"Oh, this is very nice."

But Eve from scenes of bliss
Transported him for life.
The more I think of this
The more I beat my wife.

by A.E. Housman

[klaus]

To bed or not to bed.
By Шакеспеаре.

[Joli poisson]

This person was a girl, didn't she?

[klaus]

This person was a girl, didn't she?

It's about a boy playing at computer games. He is sleepy but would not like to stop playing. He wonders, if he should go to bed.

[Joli poisson]

 Arrest
Within a few seconds the police were upstairs. "We know you are in there," the police said. "So just come out with your hands up."
Very slowly, the wardrobe door opened, and the burglar popped out.
"Hi, I was looking for her," he said, pointing at me. "It's her birthday andIjust come round for the party."
"It isn't my birthday," I said. And at that, the police handcuffed him and took him away.
The last I heard, he was serving time for a string of burglaries in the area. The cheeky devil.

Ву Шакеспеаре - is a writer as I understand, isn't it?

[Tony]

But he is written that way: Шекспир.

[Joli poisson]

No, he didn't write "Шекспир", but thank you for answer

[Tony]

Sorry, I meant Shakespeare with "he".

[klaus]

Two things make woman late in going any place:
For first she must make up her mind and then her face.

[RawonaM]

Said Hamlet to Ophelia:
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Spike Milligan

[Joli posson]

To bed or not to bed.
By Шакеспеаре.

This person was a girl, didn't she?
It's about a boy playing at computer games. He is sleepy but would not like to stop playing. He wonders, if he should go to bed.

Oh, I see, 'By' is "a boy playing at computer games. ...", and 'Шакеспеаре' is the surname of the boy 
I thought 'By Шакеспеаре' is a girl as such name as 'By' suits more a girl... 

[Joli poisson]

To bed or not to bed.
By Шакеспеаре.

This person was a girl, didn't she?
It's about a boy playing at computer games. He is sleepy but would not like to stop playing. He wonders, if he should go to bed.

Oh, I see, 'By' is "a boy playing at computer games. ...", and 'Шакеспеаре' is the surname of the boy 
I thought 'By Шакеспеаре' is a girl as such name as 'By' suits more a girl... 

PS: the word 'bed' was neither here nor there; the name 'By' was the issue, dear... I wanted to make a joke out of your words...

[Joli poisson]

Two things make woman late in going any place:
For first she must make up her mind and then her face.

The Q is: how many things do make man late in going any place? Just one, he must make up his mind?..

[iopq]

But the homophones aren't absolute. 

they are in my pronunciation