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English humor

Автор Digamma, июля 31, 2004, 08:11

0 Пользователи и 1 гость просматривают эту тему.

RawonaM

Цитата: iskender
Цитата: RawonaM
Цитата: ArtAllmBTW, the quoted texts are almost unreadable... the text size is too small.
You are not the first one who says it, so I've made it bigger right now. How is it?
Oh! That's brilliant!:yes: And I've got another idea. May be it will be useful to darken a little bit the colour of the quoted text... May be something like this.
Are you sure that the last phrase is really darker? ;--)
I've done the way you asked, how does it look now?

iskender

Цитата: RawonaMAre you sure that the last phrase is really darker? ;--)
Хм... May be you're right and it's only differs in colour...:?
Цитата: RawonaMI've done the way you asked, how does it look now?
IMHO a little bit better.:D

RawonaM

Цитата: iskenderХм... May be you're right and it's only differs in colour...
It is much brighter, I don't want to make it so bright. I'd prefer to make it even darker.

Цитата: iskenderIMHO a little bit better.
And now? It's almost black.

iskender

Цитата: RawonaM
Цитата: iskenderIMHO a little bit better.
And now? It's almost black.
Aha, almost black... I don't know. Perhaps this is too dark.

Добавлено спустя 1 минуту 27 секунд:

Может стоит, чтобы не было флуда, перенести обсуждение этого дела в соответствующий раздел? :wink:

Digamma

Цитата: RawonaMAre you sure that the last phrase is really darker? ;--)
I guess you should look at the topic subject... ;)
"Я родился на корабле, но куда он плыл и откуда никто не помнит..."

ArtAllm

Another linguistic joke...
:D

Punctuation is Everything!

An English professor wrote the words, "a woman without her man is nothing"
on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it.

The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Rezia

Цитата: ArtAllm
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Man is one who wishes he were as wise as he thinks his wife thinks he is.

A man is that large irrational creature who is always looking for home atmosphere in a hotel and hotel service around the house.
"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

RawonaM

Цитата: reziaMan is one who wishes he were as wise as he thinks his wife thinks he is.
Marvellous :D

ArtAllm

And that is a joke about English phonetics as it is perceived by French speakers:

:D

Un Français apprends l'anglais depuis quelques semaines.
Un bon jour il se rend à un spectacle d'après-midi au Centre Américain.

Histoire de pratiquer son anglais, il demande à son voisin de droite :

- What time is it ?

Le voisin de répondre :

- It's two to two.

Le gars n'a rien compris. Il décida donc de demander la même chose à son
voisin de gauche.

- What time is it ?

Et ce dernier de lui répondre:

-It's two to two too !

Rezia

Цитата: RawonaM
Цитата: reziaMan is one who wishes he were as wise as he thinks his wife thinks he is.
Marvellous :D
:) :yes:
"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

ginkgo

"CRICKET
(as explained to a foreign visitor)

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.

Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.

When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.

Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When both sides have been in and out including the not outs -
that's the end of the game.

HOWZAT!"
"Θα φτιάξουμε μαρμελάδες."

Rezia

The president of the USA was awakened late one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there is good news and bad news."
"Oh no," muttered the president, "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir, is that we have been invaded by creatures from another planet."
"Christ, and the good news?"
"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and piss oil."
"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

Rezia

One more joke:
It's easy to stop smoking. I've been giving up many times. :)
"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

andrewsiak

Here is what happened to a friend of mine, who used to work somewhere in black Africa as a IMF expert.
He had some American friends over, and they decided to go picknicking one day.
Among others, there was an average American housewife.
So the story goes that they were making barbecue outside of the city, and there happened to be a road nearby.
While sitting on the grass and chatting with friends, the housewife saw a black woman walking bearfoot on the road with a huge pack placed on her head (the usual way of transporting things among African women). The reaction of the American: "Oh my God, look at that woman walking on the road! Her car must have been broken!"
той ще ся не вродив, щоб усім догодив.

RawonaM

Цитата: andrewsiak"Oh my God, look at that woman walking on the road! Her car must have been broken!"
:D

VANJA

They say it really happened in Australia:

A priest and an Australian shepherd met each other in the final of a quiz show. After answering all the normal questions, they were neckandneck with the same number of points and the quizmaster had to set a deciding question. The question was, to compose a rhyme in 5 minuts including the word "Timbuktu". After the 5 minuts, the priest presented his poem:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible trought and trough
on my way to Timbuktu..."

The audience was thrilled and celebrated the churchman as the winner. However, the shepherd stepped forward and recited:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two..."
:=
Shine On You Crazy Diamond – R.I.P.  6.1.1946. – 7.7.2006.


Rezia

"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

SS

Rég volt, együtt jártunk még,
Bennem marad a kép, ma is oly szép:
Arcod a szélben szinte száll,
Hallom nevetésed muzsikáját.
------------------------------------------------
Á É Í Ó Ú Ö Ü Ő Ű
á é í ó ú ö ü ő ű

Rezia

Well, yes, in Australia they pronounce differently. But I can't understand why the audience celebrated the priest as a champion before listening to the second contestant.
"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

SS

Rég volt, együtt jártunk még,
Bennem marad a kép, ma is oly szép:
Arcod a szélben szinte száll,
Hallom nevetésed muzsikáját.
------------------------------------------------
Á É Í Ó Ú Ö Ü Ő Ű
á é í ó ú ö ü ő ű

VANJA

Цитата: "Rezia" от
Well, yes, in Australia they pronounce differently. But I can't understand why the audience celebrated the priest as a champion before listening to the second contestant.

Because writing poems is not something everybody's good at. Especially when you have only 5 minutes to write it and at the end, it turns out to be so funny and written by a priest. They don't actually write poems like that, do they?  ;D
And I would never expect that in so short notice someone could write even funnier poem, as the shepherd did. And this quibbling with Timbuktu is excellent joke. Don't you think that is more important than the fact that homophones aren't absolute?  ;-)
   

Shine On You Crazy Diamond – R.I.P.  6.1.1946. – 7.7.2006.

Rezia

"Сон налягає. Кладе м'якеньку лапу на очі і на лице і шепче до вуха: спи..." (Коцюбинський)
"Ахаль çеç-им шурă юрĕ çав каç ÿкрĕ çĕр çине?" (чăваш юрри)
"Гэта не без гэтага" (з аднаго беларускага рамана)
"ნახევარი პური, ნახევარი ხარჩო"
"If you want to win the fight, say "I believe!" " (Eric)

Seryj Slon

Naturally, very sad story judging from that the sheferd admitted he had booked twice as less as Tim, churchman had. That`s the price of addiction for glory  :'(

Seryj Slon

Besides, I wouldn`t call "two-two" a rhyme. And if it were in russian language,  I`d say that the repeating of words with the same pronunciation and meaning it`s tautology. Maybe "Though Tim wasn`t disposed to"?
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
Though Tim wasn`t disposed to
I booked one and Tim booked two..."  ;-)
Or even "able"?
"Though Tim wasn`t able to"?

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