Little Red Riding Hood

[Escargot]

"Little Red Riding Hood"
from Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner.

There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house--not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket through the woods. Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was confident enough in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not intimidate her.

On the way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a wolf. who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult."

The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the wolf knew a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on Grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fatfree, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch."

From the bed, the wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what a big nose you have, only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way."

"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency toward crossdressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopperperson (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the wolf both stopped.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she exclaimed. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's impassioned speech, Grandma jumped out of the wolf's mouth, seized the woodchopperperson's ax, and cut his head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after.

[Rezia]

So would you like to discuss the text? What made you post this?

[Escargot]

Not especially the text, but politically correct in general. I would like to know what people think about it... I personally think it ridiculous... I prefer to call a spade a spade instead of beating around the bush. For example, when a man is fat, I think that to call him "fat" is less discriminative than to call him "horizontally challenged".

Oh, and also, all the changes they made to words they pretend to be so-called sexist, such as history (they created "herstory"), and as you can see in the story, even the word "woman" is supposed to be sexist: they created the word "womyn", for they think that a woman does not have do be defined in comparison with a man.

There are of course, all the terms related to racism. I think it totally hypocrite to call an Indian a "Native American" (those who know a bit about American history would clearly understand my point).

Here are some other terms, for the fun:

-Dirty Old Man: Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.
-Perverted: Sexually dysfunctional.
-Panhandler: Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.
-Serial-Killer: Person with difficult-to-meet needs.
-Lazy: Motivationally deficient.
-Fail: Achieve a deficiency.
-Dishonest: Ethically disoriented.
-Bald: Follicularly challenged.
-Clumsy: Uniquely coordinated.
-Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance.
-Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled.
-Worst: Least best.
-Wrong: Differently logical.
-Ugly: Cosmetically different.
-Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.
-Short: Vertically challenged.
-Dead: Living impaired.
-Vagrant: Nonspecifically destinationed individual.
-Stoned: Chemically inconvenienced.
-Pregnant: Parasitically oppressed.
-Ignorant: Knowledge-based nonpossessor.
-Old Student: Non-traditional aged student.

In French, we have also interresting examples, such as a "surface technician" for a cleaning woman, or a "school professor" for a teacher....

[Rezia]

Ah, we discussed political correctness several time here, on the forum. Is it necessary to call a person "fat" at all? And there are milder words: plump, for example, or portly... a lot of them. Sometimes it's just, you know, dangerous or simply impolite "to call a spade a spade".

[Rezia]

Yes, right, I know the phenomenon quite well. Though for "pregnant" there are nice euphemisms :  in an interesting condition, in a delicate condition, in the family way, with a baby coming, (big) with child, expecting. And moreover, these euphemisms appeared long before this a bit far-fetched political correctness.

[Escargot]

I like the word "chubby".

[RawonaM]

Not especially the text, but politically correct in general. I would like to know what people think about it... I personally think it ridiculous...

This text has nothing to do with political correctness, I explained it once, when somebody posted a similar story. Neither most of the examples you gave have anything to do with it.
The story is simply written using different register of the language (let's say, sub-language), namely, the scientific type of language. It is, therefore, funny to read a story for children which uses the language that we usually find in scientific papers. It would be also funny to read a scientific paper which is written like a fairy tale (imagine: Once upon a time there was a word "cantare" in a language called Latin and all the good men knew what it meant.; I'm not a good writer, but I hope it shows the point. )

Political correctness is simply a means to avoid insult or offence, but it's true that it is sometimes applied inappropriately.

[Смайлик]

I know there is actually a whole book of "politically correct" fairy tales.  Is that where this came from? 

This text has nothing to do with political correctness

I think it does. Obviously it's meant as a joke, but I believe the point of the story is to make fun of peoples' obsession with being politically correct.  That's why it's so exaggerated in this case.     

[Смайлик]

from Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner

Just noticed that.  Disregard my question.