Poetic English

[autolyk]

Thou shold

Thou shouldst. I will perform proof-reader's functions.    

[raskolnikoff]

Сергій
I really thank thee, friendly man
(And like the Welsh pronounce it)
And if thou begst, be it this way.
Not to show off, but just for fun,
I shall speak `thou' like I do pray,
So be it officially announced!

[Сергій]

Thou shold

Thou shouldst. I will perform proof-reader's functions.    

I always forget that -st in formet pret.-present verbs... thank you

[HackOnnerDib]

*Offtop*
Today I had an inspiration and wrote this pessimistic poem:

Despair

Something wrong and life is bad!
He wants to die, to be a dead!

He feels the end, and he is sad...
I think that now he is mad!

I want to help, to save his breast,
But I can't solve: how will the best?

I want to solve, I want... but he?
But ... an idea came to me:
I realized that I was him!..
Ohh... I want it to be a film!

To be a film.. to be not real..
I waked up... I have no zeal..

Can you say something about it?(especially, about grammar )


ps
sorry for my grammar, i don't know English well...(but i also don't use any translators )

[Сергій]

Despair

Something's wrong and life is bad!
He wants to die, to be a dead!

He feels the end, and he is sad...
I think that now he is mad! (mind the rhythm if you will)

I want to help, to save his breast,
But I can't solve: how will the best? (what'd be the best?)

I want to solve, I want... but he?
But ... an idea came to me:
I realized that I was him!..
Ohh... I want it to be a film!

To be a film.. to be not real..
I waked (woke??)up... I have no zeal..

ok nice though I can't understand your usage of solve and breast

[Сергій]

i also don't use any translators

[HackOnnerDib]

Thanks .

ok nice though I can't understand your usage of solve and breast

Solve = decide = решить
breast = soul = душа
zeal = ardor = рвение

to be a dead!

Why without "a"?  I wanted to say "He wants to die, to be a(one of ) dead!"

I waked  (woke??)up... I have no zeal..

Hm...  I think I can use irregular verb wake as "waked", because it is listed there...

[Сергій]

Hm...  I think I can use irregular verb wake as "waked", because it is listed there...

of course you can, since the verb to wake is a fusion of two Old English verbs and one of them is actually weak but it is a bit weird...up to you

Why without "a"?  I wanted to say "He wants to die, to be a(one of ) dead!"

we can only say "the dead" in plural in modE.

[HackOnnerDib]

Thanks! I remaked it to save the rhythm and poetry meter:

Something's wrong and life is bad!
He wants to die, wants to be dead!

He feels the end, and he is sad...
I think that now he is mad!

I want to help, to save his breast,
But I can't solve: what'd be the best?

I want to save, I want... but he?
But ... an idea came to me:
I realized that I was him!..
Ohh... I want it to be a film!

To be a film.. to be not real..
I  woke up...and I have no zeal..

[iopq]

"Bad" and "dead" don't rhyme
But this summer you're writing
What fun will be missed?

[HackOnnerDib]

"Bad" and "dead" don't rhyme

dead [ ded ]
bad [bæd]
Hm... It seems like ...they rhyme...just a little .

But this summer you're writing
What fun will be missed?

In what? I'm sorry, but I didn't understand this phrase well...

[Сергій]

just a little

very little. in non-RP accents...

Цитировать
But this summer you're writing
What fun will be missed?
In what? I'm sorry, but I didn't understand this phrase well...

+1

[HackOnnerDib]

very little. in non-RP accents...

Yes, our teachers  speak "bad" like "bed"... not like, but identically!(and only now I saw the real "bad" sounding )

[autolyk]

But this summer you're writing
What fun will be missed?

What has happened to you this summer to make you be in low spirit, isn't it, iopq?

[iopq]

But this summer you're writing
What fun will be missed?

What has happened to you this summer to make you be in low spirit, isn't it, iopq?

Alone in my room
Not lying on a beach like
I should this summer

[Сергій]

is that a haiku?

[HackOnnerDib]

What has happened to you this summer to make you be in low spirit, isn't it, iopq?

I understanded it roughly the same...but i thought that
"But this summer you're writing
What fun will be missed?"
is 2 different sentences.


So... what i can say? It is depression... and it started not in the summer but more earlier... a few years ago. Now I can't say exactly what is the reason(cause) was...
But I can say that depression gives me an inspiration  .  And with it I have wrote many poems(in Russian).It is only one positive moment.

Alone in my room
Not lying on a beach like
I should this summer

Hm... I don't want to lie on a beach because there is too hot... And I do it in the morning.  And after that I sit near the computer... yes, alone .

[Versteher]

A thought hath lately come to me:
Why shoun't me make a short stor`ie,
Akin to that that Chaucer wrought,
Perhaps in manner that he wrote,

Why shoun't we write "Lingu'forum Tales",
This work hereniether none assails.
One might with pluck of fresh cour`age,
Begin. First entour`age

Describe in manner, that one  please;
Proceeding then in this release,
Oneself present should th' writter sith,
In air he feel'th consent with.

Who will beginn our saga now,
Whose be the first in th' sailing prow?
To shapen is thefirst gestalt,
Our saga waiteth her first scald.

[Aleksey]

Зачем уродовать английский стариной, если человече даже не может нормально выстроить свои мысли на этом языке? Это как инвалид без костылей, а не поэтический английский.

[Versteher]

The useless user Alexey,
thou'dst better go from me away,
Or else I come to thin`e house
And close malid`icent thy mouth.

[Aleksey]

The useless user Alexey,

To insult others
In a way of yours
Is the most disrespectful thing
I have ever seen.

[Versteher]

It shall but no one confuse,
When aught that bringeth no use
One useless calleth, Alexey;
And 'tis thou art, I dare say.

Lest I completely thee neglect,
When flooding never me distract.

[Karakurt]

I'm a poet, my name's Neznaika
From me to you there's Balalaika

[Versteher]

If wasn't Thy project sublime,
Why shouldst Thou ever write a rhyme?

[Hébus]

O Versteher, never wilt thou be comprehended of men! Thine aspiration is grand but thy publick lacketh discernment.